Invert the Agression
My heart was pounding and my hands were shaking. I was filled to the brim with rage and felt like I was about to explode all over the field on which I was playing.
This all happened a couple of weeks ago while I was participating in a very competitive school activity modeled off of the TV show Survivor. I know it sounds ridiculous that I got this upset, but I am very competitive. Sometimes I may let out my aggression by saying something mean or gossipping with others. But over time I’ve learned that this does no good, and I wanted to handle my emotions differently.
One of the most common and universal places we feel strong disagreement and anger is when we have deeply personal conversations, such as those on the topic of religion. Conversations about religion and sports games may not seem similar, but the emotions that arise in them are.
I often talk about religion and sometimes feel angry when I strongly disagree or can’t get my point across. Conversations about religion are some of the most important conversations that I have, but a conversation filled with aggression is purposeless.
Thankfully, I’ve created a strategy that helps me in conversations about religion, and in any situation which stokes strong negative emotions.
Invert the Aggression
The definition of inverse is “something that is the opposite or reverse of something else.”
A term is in inverse proportion to another term if one decreases as the other increases, and vice versa. So, if we want our aggression to decrease, we have to find out what the inverse of aggression is. What needs to go up in order for aggression to go down?
I believe that the inverse of aggression is understanding. Aggression usually comes when you don’t understand something and strongly believe it is wrong. Here’s how to Invert the Aggression:
Step #1:
Realize: Everybody Thinks They’re Right
To persuade or understand someone with whom you disagree, realize that everybody has a unique perspective and everybody thinks their perspective is correct.
We all come from different parts of the world, have different upbringings, and perceive the world differently.
"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others." - Tony Robbins
Acknowledging differences can help guide our conversations, and having peaceful conversations with those we disagree with has immense value. There is so much to be learned from the unique perspective every individual has.
Step #2:
Accept: You May Be Wrong
The only thing harder than acknowledging the fact that everybody else has a unique perspective is realizing this also applies to you. We all have biased opinions and often already know with what side we want to agree. We search for evidence and reason to prove our own point of view, and it is easy for us to ignore evidence that contradicts our point of view.
Step #3:
Seek to Understand
Now, here is the inverse part of these 3 steps. Steps #1 and #2 are about changing your mindset and understanding that everyone, including yourself, has a unique and likely biased perspective. Once you are thinking like this, it is easier to take actionable steps to listen and learn from people with whom you disagree. Here are a few tips for inverting aggression and seeking to understand:
Make sure to listen to the other person. Don’t do all the talking!
Try to find something about which you agree with the other person.
Find one hole in your knowledge and go learn more. For example, if I’m asked a question about religion and I don’t feel confident in my answer, I go and research it after the conversation.
I’m not saying you need to change your opinions, although sometimes this may happen. Instead of judging other people’s beliefs, get curious! Understanding people you disagree with improves your understanding of the world and it also helps you understand your own perspective better.
“Always be willing to look at both sides of the argument. Understanding the other side is the best way to strengthen your own.” - Jim Rohn
Religion & Inverting Aggression
Inverting aggression is especially important when it comes to religion. It’s easy to get offended and emotional while talking about spiritual beliefs, so aggression will likely come up. If we work to understand those we disagree with, we will understand our opinions better and have productive conversations.
So, in the competitive game I was playing a couple weeks ago, I was feeling a lot of aggression. But after implementing strategies to invert the aggression, I realize that I easily could have handled my emotions better. I could have realized that I had a biased perspective because I wanted my team to win. I also could have realized that everybody was just trying to play the game as best they could, and that I didn’t need to be angry at other players. I’ve also been able to invert my aggression while I am having conversations about religion, which has helped me understand others and my own beliefs better.
I urge you to invert the aggression you feel in your life, because you’d be surprised how much you can learn about your beliefs and others’ beliefs if you stop judging and instead get curious and seek to understand.
