“Follow Your Dreams”…but not once you’ve grown up!
As little kids, we probably all remember adults telling us that we could do anything – and to dream big, even if it felt impossible. Yet, when we become teenagers, adults tell us to dial down our dreams for something safe and realistic. I believe that this is a huge reason why so many people end up in unfulfilling careers.
I’ve been thinking about this idea a lot since reading the book If He Had Been With Me by Laura Nowlin. This is one of the best books I’ve read this year, and definitely the most heartbreaking. The book begins when the main character, Autumn, is just starting high school and ends a little after she graduates. We’re on the journey with her as she goes through some of her most formative years.
Throughout the novel, we learn about how much Autumn loves writing, specifically fiction. Her dream is to be a published writer, and it is incredibly clear how deep her passion runs. And here’s the thing: Autumn doesn’t have some unrealistic expectation of becoming a rich world famous writer or anything. She just wants to write because she loves it so much: “If it was just about me, I could wait tables in the day and write all night and be happy.”
Sadly, several of the most important people in her life discourage Autumn from following her dream of being a published writer. This includes her parents and her boyfriend Jamie, whom she dated all throughout high school. The two planned on getting married, and Jamie often told Autumn that he didn’t want her to be a writer.
While reading this book, I was absolutely heartbroken over the way Jamie and others were acting towards Autumn’s dream. It's even more heartbreaking that this is something many teenagers experience. Autumn sums up the universal issue well: “Isn’t this what all the children’s books and movies are always about? How even if the task seems impossible or you’re too small or you don’t have the right kind of whatever, you’re still supposed to try? Until you get to high school and suddenly you’re supposed to choose a safe path. A path that won’t take you too far from home. A path that has health insurance and a 401(k).”
Little kids are constantly told to pursue their passions and to dream big, but this encouragement goes away by the time we’re teenagers, which is also the time when we make decisions about what to do with our lives.
So, how do we fix this problem? How can we encourage teenagers to follow their true passions? Well, let’s go back to what happened with Autumn. Not everyone discouraged Autumn. She had a teacher who encouraged her to keep writing. Even more importantly, her childhood best friend Phineas (the main character of the book after Autumn) supported Autumn’s dream. Phineas always wanted to read Autumn’s stories, and he would call her out when she said she wouldn’t pursue writing because it was unrealistic.
Although the novel ends when Autumn is eighteen and we never get to see if she lives out her dream, we do see her spending more time on her writing. It seems like she will pursue it long term.
This was largely due to Phineas’ influence and that she was no longer dating Jamie – which shows the importance of the people that encourage teenagers to follow their passion. Everyone remembers that one person who believed and supported their dreams. Even just the smallest of encouragement can be life changing for a teenager who feels like their dreams are impossible and unrealistic.
From Autumn’s story, we see the struggles teeangers can face when choosing the path for their future. Autumn was an incredibly passionate girl and she knew what she wanted to do, but she felt that it was impossible and unrealistic. Outside influences also dissuaded her from following her dream of being a writer because it’s too risky of a career path.
I can really relate to Autumn’s story. As a junior in high school getting ready to apply for colleges, it’s hard to figure out what I want to do with my life. Sometimes I feel like I have so many interests it’s hard to pick one, and other times I feel like there isn’t a single thing that I’ll find success and joy doing. Thankfully, Autumn’s story has been helping me, and it can help you too.
If you are a teenager, here’s what you should be thinking about:
What do you love doing and how do you spend your free time?
What outside pressures may be holding you back from pursuing your interests?
Remember that success doesn’t come easy, and no matter what you pursue, you will have to work hard.
Adults usually aren’t trying to discourage you. They simply care about you and want what’s best for you. So, consider the concerns of adults because they could help you.
Always remember that your dreams and goals are important and only you can define them.
At the end of the day, following something you love is going to satisfy you more than chasing the “safest” option.
In If He Had Been With Me, Autumn states that, “I can’t risk looking back on my life and knowing that I did not try to get published as hard as I could have tried.” What is the thing for you that you would regret not pursuing?
As for everyone else: if you are a parent, friend, teacher, or family member, think about the characters in Autumn’s story. Jamie and her parents made her feel like she couldn’t do what she loved. Characters like Phineas, on the other hand, made her believe that she could find success doing what she loved.
So, here’s what you should keep in mind when talking to a teenager about their future:
Never be the person that makes a teenager feel like they should not follow their passion.
Remember, you have the opportunity to change a young person’s life by believing in them and cheering them on.
Giving young people a reality check is also incredibly important, but it shouldn’t make them feel like they must abandon their interests altogether.
If a young person does have unrealistic expectations (for example, they expect to be the next J.K. Rowling), explain to them that although this may not happen, they can still build a life around writing if they are truly passionate about it.
I strongly believe that the world would be a better place if we believed in teenagers’ dreams like we believe in little kids’ dreams. But it’s not just enough for adults to believe in us. We must actually have the determination to follow our passions and work hard, even when it’s hard.
So, I hope we can all keep our passions (even if they are ever-changing) as our guiding lights when making decisions about our futures.
Written by Peyton Price