10 Life Lessons From Rory Gilmore: An Inspirational, Flawed Character
Gilmore Girls is my favorite TV series ever. Because I’m deeply entrenched in the Gilmore Girls corner of social media, I’ve noticed that many fans actually hate Rory Gilmore - the main character of the show (ironic, right?). Rory makes a lot of, well, questionable decisions throughout the series. Although it is often hard not to scream at my TV when Rory does something stupid, I actually appreciate her character flaws. After all, every person is flawed, so seeing this in a TV character makes the story feel real.
Because I relate to Rory in many ways, I view her character as a guide of what to do and what not to do. So, I compiled a list of 10 life lessons to learn from Rory Gilmore. I am inspired by many of Rory’s qualities and decisions, but you’ll see as this list progresses that Rory is far from a “perfect protagonist." But, as Rory’s choices get worse, there is even more to learn and use to improve our lives.
1. Family First
Gilmore Girls is all about Rory’s relationship with her mom, Lorelei. So, the entire show centers around the importance of family. Unlike many teen characters in other TV series, Rory always valued her family more than anything. To Rory, her mom is her best friend and her grandparents are close seconds.
One of the most admirable examples of Rory valuing her family comes in a conversation she has with Jess Mariano. It is rare for a girl to stand up for her mom in front of a teenage boy, but Rory does just that: “If you care about me at all, you will try to get along with my mother!”
As a teenage girl myself, I’ve learned from Rory (and Gilmore Girls as a whole) the value of family and how important it is to pour energy into your familial relationships. Seeing a girl I admire on TV care so much about her family and stand up for her family reminds me to do the same.
2. School is Cool
Another thing that makes Rory unique to other teens on TV is her focus on school and love for reading and writing. Rory ends up as valedictorian in high school and attends Yale University. Throughout the series, we always see Rory studying and focusing on school. It’s not like she magically succeeds in school; we actually see her commit time to her school work.
For all of us students, Rory is an inspiration to care about school. Rory makes studying, reading, and writing cool. All in all, I love that there is a TV character who represents the importance of school!
3. Knowing When To Let Go
One of Rory’s strongest qualities is her ability to know when it is time to let go of a relationship. Although she didn’t do this too well with Dean, her first boyfriend, she did it really well with Jess and Logan.
Rory and Jess dated their senior year of high school. Jess was a disastrous kid, and their relationship ended with Jess running away without saying goodbye to Rory. Instead of holding on to Jess, Rory knew it was time to move on. I actually talked all about this in an article I wrote on Jess and Rory.
One of the biggest controversies in Gilmore Girls is at the end of the series, when Rory rejects Logan’s proposal. Although I love Logan, I really admired her choice to reject his proposal. I would have accepted his proposal (LOL), but it was clear that Rory didn’t want to.
In both of these situations, it took a lot of strength to let go and move on. Arguably, it would have been easier to stay hung up on Jess or marry Logan, but Rory didn’t take the easier option.
Through this, Rory has taught me the value in knowing when to let go, even when it would be easier not to. So many people spend their lives caught up in something that should have been left in the past. I love that Rory didn't do that.
Unfortunately, in the Gilmore Girl: A Year In The Life revival, Rory was again involved with Logan (we’ll touch on this more later). But, if we just look at the regular series, Rory sets a great example of letting go when it’s time.
4. The Danger of a Dream Career
Since Rory was a little girl, she knew she wanted to go to Harvard and be a journalist. Obviously, these are admirable goals and she mostly achieved them (she went to Yale, but she was accepted into Harvard).
In the Gilmore Girl: A Year In The Life reunion, Rory was a struggling journalist. I believe Rory would have been better off had she stayed open-minded to other career and life paths (I made a TikTok about this). I’m not saying there is anything wrong with having a dream job or school, but make sure that dream doesn’t become so intense that you aren’t looking to discover new passions and talents you have.
If any of you reading this are getting ready to start college like me, this is an important point to think about. We should always stay open to whatever college and major is best for us, even if it wasn’t what we initially wanted.
5. Know Your Privilege
This point is one that Rory gets a lot of hate for online. Rory always acted as if she was above everybody because she wasn’t super wealthy. In a way, this is justified, because Rory and Lorelei definitely had a middle-class income. The thing is, though, Rory had an abundance of opportunities and privilege that she never acknowledged. A lot of it came from her grandparents, who helped her get into prep school and Yale. Plus, Rory and Lorelei always ended up having money when they needed it and lived the exact lifestyle they wanted.
At Yale, Rory dates Logan, who is extraordinarily wealthy. Rory went to one of Logan's work parties, and she wrote an article about how privileged all the people at the party were. Logan called her out in this, telling her that she was just as privileged as everybody else. (I made a TikTok about this scene!)
I’m not saying that being privileged is a bad thing (I definitely am myself). The issue is when you are in complete denial of it and have a superiority complex around not being privileged. We can learn from this that we should take advantage of opportunities that come our way, but we should always recognize how fortunate we are to have them in the first place.
6. Natural Intelligence is Overrated
Throughout the series, Rory was friends with this girl named Paris. Paris was intensely competitive and extremely ambitious. Rory, on the other hand, was very calm and, although she had goals, seemed to rely more on natural intelligence than ambition.
Somehow, Rory beat Paris for valedictorian, and Rory got into Harvard -- not Paris. But, by the time Rory and Paris were graduating from Yale, Paris was on a better track. Paris gets into every med School and law School, and Rory doesn’t really know what she’s going to do after graduation.
In the reunion, Paris is incredibly successful and Rory is, well, not. The lesson here is that in the end, natural intelligence can’t carry you through life. Rory got away with just her intelligence for a long time, but it eventually caught up to her. When I worry that I’m not smart enough, Rory and Paris remind me that natural intelligence is overrated and ambition is what matters.
7. Assume You Have To Work For It
Continuing on the themes of point #7, Rory mostly relied on her intelligence to succeed. Sure, she spent a lot of time studying, but she never really had to work for anything or put herself out there.
Rory got into three Ivy League schools simply due to her grades, which is unrealistic. To get into a school like Yale, you have to work hard and put yourself out there. Rory also became editor of the Yale Daily News on accident. The consequences of this come later on in Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life, when Rory shows up unprepared for a job interview; she assumed she would automatically get the job.
What’s the lesson here? Always assume you have to work for it, because most of the time, you do. Assume you have to prove yourself through hard work. This is something I think about a lot: I know in order to succeed, I have to work for it, prove myself, and put myself out there.
8. Stop & Listen
One of Rory’s main issues was that she suffered from “main character syndrome.” It is true that she technically was the main character of the series, but her self-centered actions went even beyond the norm for a main character. She acted like she was the only person that mattered, and she was often selfish in her relationships. This came off in big ways (which I’ll talk about in point 10) but it also came off in the little things, like conversations she had with friends.
From the start of the series, Rory was “best friends” with Lane. But Rory was never really a good friend to Lane. She didn't listen, wasn't there for her when Lane needed her most, and always talked about herself.
We’ve all had moments where we rant to our friends and forget to ask how they are doing, but Rory almost never asked Lane how she was. At all. Thinking about Rory and Lane reminds me to stop and listen to my friends. It’s a simple yet priceless lesson, because it’s the little moments in relationships that matter the most.
9. How (Not) To Take Criticism
This is the point in the list where Rory’s mistake isn’t just mean or stupid, but actually illegal. It all started when Rory got a journalism internship from Logan’s father. After several weeks of the internship, Logan’s father ended up telling Rory that she doesn’t have what it takes to make it in journalism and “would make a great assistant.”
Criticism like this is inevitable. Rory could have taken the feedback and used it to improve; after all, it was her first internship -- of course she won’t be perfect. Instead, Rory stole a yacht and dropped out of Yale (watch my TikTok on this). This all happened because Rory had never received criticism in that way; she was always the perfect girl. So, she never learned how to take criticism and had a complete over-reaction.
People hate this storyline, but there are so many good lessons here. Rory’s experience taught me that receiving feedback early and frequently is inevitable and valuable. Feedback helps us improve and find what we are really good at.
10. Take Faithfulness Seriously
You may be thinking to yourself, “What could Rory have done that is worse than stealing a yacht and stupider than dropping out of Yale for no good reason?” The answer is that Rory frequently and unapologetically committed adultery.
When this topic comes up, people quickly point to Rory sleeping with Dean when he was married and having an affair with an engaged Logan in the reunion. On top of that, she had a boyfriend named Paul during her affair with Logan! Those are extreme levels of adultery.
But it didn’t start with that. Instead, we saw minor examples of infidelity that could be easily pushed aside as a common teenage mistake. In season one, Rory kissed Tristan right after she broke up with Dean and never told Dean about it when they got back together.
Later, Rory developed feelings for Jess and kissed him while she was with Dean (I made a TikTok on this). Rory also got super mad at Logan for hooking up with girls after they broke up (TikTok for this!), but then Rory went and kissed Jess while she was with Logan.
These things weren’t that big of a deal. The issue was, Rory never had any consequences from them so she never learned the importance of staying faithful to your partner.
So, what have I learned from this? This has taught me how mistakes can escalate: Rory started with an innocent kiss at a high school party, but she ended up having an affair with an engaged man. It’s important to take everything seriously, especially when it comes to cheating. This has also taught me that suffering consequences is a good thing. If Rory had more consequences earlier on, she may have learned her lesson.
Rory Gilmore is such an influential character for many women and girls. But, it is important to recognize her positive and negative qualities in order to get true value out of Gilmore Girls. I hope that the next time you cringe at Rory Gilmore’s terrible ideas or admire her great attributes, you can use it all to improve your life and decision-making. After all, if you are as obsessed with this show as I am, you might as well learn something from it!
Thanks for reading!
